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Here is my list of Irish Pubs (and wanna be Irish pubs) in the Bay Area. 

Note that the same way that all ships are female, all pubs are by definition Irish so I have included a few non Irish ones.

Want to go to college in Ireland or want to study about Ireland? Here is a list of the top Irish Colleges and some US Irish studies programs.

These are bits of Irish and Californian history I have picked up. For example did you know that Menlo Park was named after Menlo in Galway, Ireland or that San Francisco was laid out by an Irish Surveyor Jasper O'Farrell? No neither did I until now.

One Liners

1. The meaning of opaque is unclear!
2. I wasn't going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
3. Have you ever tried to eat a clock?  It's very time consuming.
4. A man tried to assault me with milk, cream and butter.  How dairy! 
5. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.  I can't put it down.
6. If there was someone selling marijuana in our neighborhood, weed know about it.
7. It's a lengthy article about ancient Japanese sword fighters, but I can Sumurais it for you.
8. It's not that the man couldn't juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
9. So, what if I don't know the meaning of the word 'apocalypse'?  It's not the end of the world.
10. Police were called to the daycare center.  A 3-year old was resisting a rest.
11. The other day I held the door open for a clown.  I thought it was a nice jester. 
12. Need an ark to save two of every animal?  I Noah guy.
13. Alternative facts are aversion of the truth.
14. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
15. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
16. Did you know they won't be making yardsticks any longer?
17. I used to be allergic to soap but I'm clean now.
18. The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickeless.
19. What did the man say when the bridge fell on him? The suspension is killing me.
20. Do you have weight loss mantras?  Fat chants!
21. My tailor is happy to make a new pair of pants for me.  Or sew it seams.
22. What is a thesaurus's favorite dessert?  Synonym buns.
23. A relief map shows where the restrooms are.
24. There was a big paddle sale at the boat store It was quite an oar deal.
25. How do they figure out the price of hammers?  Per pound.

Some old style jokes

1. I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?
2. I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
3. When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
4. Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
5. America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.
6. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.
7. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
8. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
9. I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
10. Money talks ... but all mine ever says is good-bye.
11. You're not fat, you're just easier to see.
12. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
13. I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"
14. I can’t understand why women are OK that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, "Sag Harbour."
15. My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
16. My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.
17. Denny’s has a slogan, "If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us." If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!
18. The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
19. The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
20. I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.
21. Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!
22. The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

Dave’s top 10 funniest jokes of the fringe 2018 

1. Adam Rowe: Working at the JobCentre has to be a tense job – knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.
2. Leo Kearse: I had a job drilling holes for water – it was well boring.
3. Olaf Falafel: I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don’t pay it back, I’m going to get repossessed.
4. Daniel Audritt: In my last relationship, I hated being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and refused to touch me.
5. Flo and Joan: What do colourblind people do when they are told to eat their greens?
6. Darren Walsh:  I’ve got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the  weekends, but it’s not easy. They keep moving the goalposts.
7. Justin Moorhouse: Trump said he’d build a wall but he hasn’t even picked up a brick. He’s just another middle-aged man failing on a DIY project.
8. Adele Cliff:  “I lost a friend after we had an argument about the Tardis. I thought  it was a little thing, but it seemed much bigger once we got into it”
9. Alex Edelman: “Why are they calling it Brexit and not The Great British Break Off?”
10. Laura Lexx: “I think love is like central heating. You turn it on before guests arrive and pretend it’s like this all the time” 

How to Irritate An Irish Person

1.  Call "St. Patrick's Day", "St. Patty's Day", no sin is worse to an Irish person.
2. Think that a four leaf clover is a shamrock. Bloody imposter plant trying to pass as Irish.
3. Saying you are Irish when you had a great-great-great grandmother come from Ireland in 1840. You are not really Irish but we will still let you buy us a pint though.
4. Mention Riverdance, it's the most evil thing to happen to Ireland since the Potato Famine.
5. Say "Top of the morning to us", dancing a jig and leprechaun costumes are entirely optional while saying this. 
6. Order any drink that is associated with terrorism or war e.g. Irish Car Bomb or a Black and Tan. Mostly because its a sacrilegious waste of a good pint of Guinness. 
7. Imitate our accent, remember in our ears you are the guys with the accent.
8. Mention our pot of gold or lucky charms, prepare for a slap in the face.
9. Assume Ireland is part of Britain, well only a bit of it is. Lets not go there.
10. Ask us to say anything with a "th" in it e.g.  "thirty-three and a third".
11. Ask if we eat Corned Beef and Cabbage, not really, its an Irish American Slum food not actually Irish. OK if you pay for it we will probably eat it though.
12. Pour a pint of Guinness wrong, some things cannot be forgiven.
13. Say anything bad about Notre Dame, we may not know anything about American colleges or sports but we all love the Fighting Irish. 
14. Assume we love drinking, well actually that one is kind of true.
15. Assume we love potatoes, hmm well actually that one is kind of true as well.
16. And finally not buying your round of drinks in the pub, that sin will follow your family for generations.